Met Gala 2018 Stream of Consciousness

 

I’m working at lot nowadays. Three days jobs, transitioning into freelancing and the relaunch of my clothing company has me stretched very thin. But 2018 is about self care, after work 8 hours in an office  and 2 hours of Postmates I decided to take a little time to do what all good little fashion boys and girls do in spring. With Janelle Monae “Don’t Judge Me” playing in my earphones and the sun setting in the sky I browsed Vouge.com’s covering of this years Met Gala

 

I had no intention of posting on this, but as my Facebook comment grew in word count, it started to look more like a blog. Except it wasn’t all that … linear? Just bullet points and notes on my thoughts. So I’m just gonna Ctrl+V them on the blog. I’ll crop the photos later ( as if you didn’t know they were from vogue.com) Don’t like it? I don’t care. You get what you get, so don’t throw a fit.

 

-Janelle and Solange are my lock screen. Nuff said.

– I hate celebrities who don’t even attempt the theme. Why don’t the Kardashian just stay home?

-Lena Waithe basically said “fuck yo couch Charlie Murphy” to theme and is still on theme. How Sway?

-Zendaya serves for her generation. Consistently giving us looks!

– Rihanna told us long ago she was a savage. Why did I expect anything less?

– Donald Glover is a sneaky MF. I see what you did there.

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-Belcaliz Almanzar?! What gives you the right? Disrespectful.

– Speaking of it pleases me that Cardi’s fiance and his fam are wearing dreadlocks and Italian designers in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. What a time to be alive.

-SJP is an icon and dresses accordingly.

-SZA default is ethereal. Again sway, answers! You got all the answers, then HOW?!

-Honestly you had me at capes and head pieces, I’m easy to please.

-Ariana Grande is giving me opera ingenue.

-Nicki Minaj is giving too much Grammy performance circa 2009, in my opinion. I would have like to see her in a lighter color.

– Madonna came in like ” Catholic symbolism? Hold my beer!”

– I love that now Kerri Washington is an A-lister she wears her hair natural. She is all of us after the probationary period at our job.

-Pharell looks like a sexy pimp vampire and I’m pleased.

-Diddy is dressed like he dressed in 1997 and is still on theme. Hilarious!

 Honorable mention

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May 8, 2018June 27, 2019 by fashionweekordietrying Tags: Cardi B, Deep Thoughts, Dreams, Inspiration, launch, Met Gala, motivation, New York, SELF CARE, Solange Leave a comment

#winning

 

Contrary to the title of this blog I feel like I’ve been losing lately. Over the course of the summer I was hit with harsh life situations that, in review, I did not handle well. Death of relatives and friends, money issues and the stress of filming and financing my first commercial all took a toll on me. I spent a lot of time feeling shitty about myself, and how I was handling life. I felt like I couldn’t roll with the punches and I was failing hard. I was ashamed of what my life looked like and anxious about paying my bills. I believed that I was trapped in a situation that I could work myself out of. Problem with that is, I was working but not getting anything done. My time wasn’t being spent well, so I was working hard, but working dumb.  Side hustling made me feel less anxious but I wasn’t really solving my money issues.
I got to the point that I couldn’t enjoy life. Summer is my favorite time of year. I feel like my city comes alive in the summer. Instead of going to rap concerts, hiking, hanging with friends I was working all the time. Despite the grind, the problems weren’t going away. My stress grew. My shame grew. My anger grew.
I was falling the fuck off.

 

I was scrolling through Facebook this week. I saw Issa Rae, Jackie Aina, Lena Waithe and started to feel bad. Jealous of their amazing growth and shine, my curated feed of black girl magic was killing me. I felt like trash. Not sure if I mentioned this, but I listen to a lot of podcasts. One of the many mentioned Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers and it sparked a memory. In the book, Gladwell introduces the concept of 10,000 hours. Basically, to become the master of a craft you must invest at least 10,000 hours in developing their skills. I started this business 3 years ago. 1 hour on average a day x 365 days a year x 3 years =1095 hours. I want the shine. I want accolades. I want sales. I want security based on my creative gifts, but the reality is I have work to do.  It’s okay to be sad, or anxious, but it’s not okay to quit. This is the life I chose for myself. As my mom says this it’s the price you pay for the life you lead.  Losing isn’t being broke. Losing isn’t messing up. Losing is quitting before you win.
I have a renewed energy. It’s not some infomercial scam where I sell you the secrets to my smile. My energy is rooted in the realization I have I work to do. It’s wrapped in the reality that some days I will be straight trash and fail at everything. I am energetic because I am accepting that my imperfections and passions live in the same heart.

November 5, 2017 by fashionweekordietrying Tags: Deep Thoughts, Dreams, grind, Inspiration, motivation, Small Victories, Start up Leave a comment

I Ain’t Mad- Why I am giving Shea Moisture the benefit of the doubt

 

I’m a black woman with an internet connection so I heard about the Shea Moisture ad debacle. In case you haven’t heard, let me give you a brief synopsis. For black women hair is the biggest of deals. Mainly of us are pressured by our families, employers and romantic partners to straighten our hair. In the last decade with the help of online communities there has been a resurgence of black women backing away from dangerous chemicals and expensive weaves and embracing their natural hair.  During this movement Black owned  companies have emerged to support the unique needs of natural black hair. These companies have strong cult followings. One of those companies is Shea Moisture.

With their new campaign, many black women felt that Shea Moisture was trying to act brand new. No longer reppin’ the girls that helped them build their business, the new commercials featured 2 white women and light skin black woman with bouncy ringlets. All the women were beautiful,  no shade.  But this reminded me of those commercials from the 90’s that made  me ashamed of my tightly coiled hair. I didn’t look like the ethnically ambiguous girl in the Pantene commercial who proclaimed that her hair was so healthy it shined.

 

SheaMoisture is CANCELLED pic.twitter.com/T4Dru1JgAq

— NANA JIBRIL 🌙🏳️‍🌈 (@girlswithtoys) April 24, 2017

 

I’m grown now. I am confident and filled with self love.  I like my hair in twist, afros, weaves, braids and flat ironed to Michelle Obama perfection, but I get understand the sting. Many times black women feel like we get trends poppin’ but don’t reap the benefits. Creatives and capitalists use our support as fuel to fly far away and never return. It kind of looked like Shea Moisture was doing the same.

I believe something else though. As an black entrepreneur I want Shea Moisture to win BIG. I want them battle to Unilever and Procter & Gamble. Ten years from now I want them to be a titan that can invest in their customers as they develop new ideas. I want a black owned deodorant company and a black owned contact solution company and a black owned nail polish  all at Walgreen’s. We aren’t going to get there without companies like Shea Moisture. So after we snatching edges with shade on Twitter, let’s snatch some market share. I am excited to watch their beauty company grow. It helps me to my open my mind  on where my company can go.

 

April 25, 2017April 26, 2017 by fashionweekordietrying Tags: beauty, business, Dreams, entrepreneur, motivation Leave a comment

New York State of Mind

I had a crazy weekend! I went to New York for a little work and play. I will make another post detailing what I learned about sourcing in New York soon. Right now I want to reflect on my free time in the city.

I stayed in an AirBnb in the Brooklyn neighborhood of East New York, during the trip. While the subway trips to Manhattan were long, it gave me an opportunity to explore New York’s second largest borough. As a kid I definitely romanticized the hometown of my favorite rappers, but it had more depth then I imagined. Brooklyn is basically a city on its own. It  has nicer and rougher neighborhoods, shopping, museums, families, parks, singles, bars, an oddly large quantity of churches, public housing projects and beautiful historic brownstones. I don’t think you could call this place one definitive thing, other than stimulating. Brooklyn is not boring.  I met up with a childhood friend and he showed me the sights in Fort Greene, which he taught me was an actual fort during the revolutionary war. I shared with him  my teenage dream of going to FIT, working for BabyPhat and owning one of those iconic brownstones the neighborhood. Refocusing on those old goals help to remember my  reason for building my business.

Another experience that helped change my perspective was attending Spike Lee’s Bk loves MJ block party. The city honored him by naming the block where he shot “Do the Right Thing” after the film. For the last 6 years he has been throwing a Michael Jackson themed block party to celebrate Jackson’s birthday. Dancing in the street with beautiful Brooklynites as Sway Calloway and Spike Lee  joked on stage was awesome! And more importantly it didn’t happen overnight. 27 years ago Spike released the controversial film on a small budget. Today he can use his business and celebrity to bring joy to his neighborhood. The shit is going to take the time that it takes. When your done you can dance in the sun to “ Rock With You”. Hell, I would even advise dance breaks at the beginning and middle of the journey as well, but always remember that it is a journey. It might take a couple decades to be an icon.

Lastly the intoxicating cultural experience known as Afropunk. I bought tickets to the two day festival at Commodore Barry park and it was money well spent! Afropunk is  black, indie, inclusive, and creative. The loving vibes and amazing talent displayed gave me life. Below are some of the beautiful souls I met. If you see yourself pictured email me so that I can link to your work, Instagram, SoundCloud, whatever. Peace Brooklyn. Thank you!

 

March 3, 2017April 23, 2017 by fashionweekordietrying Tags: BabyPhat, City Girl Life, Dreams, Feelin Myself, Hip Hop, Inspiration, Networking, New York, SELF CARE Leave a comment

When Life Gives You Lemons, LEMONADE, PTO and Dope LadyArtist friends……

(photocredit : Frank Micelotta/Parkwood Entertainment)

Rebellious self care is constant work. I usually tell myself that I shouldn’t indulge in an activity because there is work to be done. And when I see an amazing opportunity that I want to be a part of, I beat myself up by thinking of all the things I should have done to be ready for that opportunity.
Well, that doesn’t work. I just feel bad. I don’t move forward.

Nowadays I try to keep things balanced. I stay focused on my grind and work hard, but I also fit in fun. I have been finding that the fun is replenishing my spirit in new ways. Not only am I happier, but I am super inspired as well.

Went to the album release party for SassyBlack‘s solo project. DOPE! Besides being motivated by her creative progression, I ran into a plethora of amazing women that I don’t see often enough.
Then I attended  the Formation Tour with my bestie, sister, the majority of my high school, all the women at my day job and half the black women in my county. No, we did not all have seats together, but we were certainly in attendance. The night was amazing!  The homie saw DJ Khaled! There were flames, and fireworks and confetti (not made from the teeth of side chicks)! Don’t take my word for it. Check my snaps:

 

Always inspired by Beyonce’s professionalism and work ethic, I was in awe by her joy. On stage wasn’t just woman at the top of her field, in full control of her career. We got to see the dreams of a little girl brought to fruition. You could tell she was having fun and enjoying the performance just as much as any fan in that stadium.

Picking up on that joy I was filled with the desire to create it in someone else.  I want to make someone’s favorite something! Knowing that I could create something to trigger emotion in someone else has been my dream since day one. The tour made me me long for it even more.

February 24, 2017May 19, 2017 by fashionweekordietrying Tags: Beyonce, City Girl Life, Dreams, motivation, r&B, SELF CARE Leave a comment

I learned what dilettantes are: I don’t like them

I heard the word Dilettante, and realized I didn’t know what it meant. While listening to River of Tears,  I looked up the definition.

 “A person who cultivates an interest such as the arts without real commitment or knowledge.”

This definition gave me such comfort. Since my teen years I would get livid with girls playing fashion. The pretty ones who just wanted to get dressed. The silly ones who thought this life was Project Runway. I would feel  insulted by  those who saw me as one of those girls. They would  ask how I could make money in this industry. They would tell me I was dumb for dreaming of FIT and Parson’s. They thought my analysis of fashion week was shallow. It feels good to have a real word to communicate who I am not.

I aspire to be a producer not a consumer.

This is not a hobby.

Yes, I have a passion for fashion, but nothing about it is shallow or cliche.

This passion means more than calluses from designer shoes. It has been tetanus shots after falling asleep at a sewing machine and having the needle zip through my nail and lodge itself in my finger. It has been sobbing on the kitchen floor after negotiating with my building manager because my photoshoot cannibalized my rent money.  This passion carried 25 yards of soft shell on my back through the streets of Portland. It filled my belly and energized my body the summer I subsisted on Ramen and .49 cent cheeseburgers so that I could pay for my overpriced design school. I can’t count the times I pulled it together, abracadabra-ed the most hopeless situation with this passion.

Maybe as many times as I have felt breathless when viewing couture; acheing to touch it and understand how to  make something so beautiful.

I think that’s what love is.

To have that love, that comes from the purest, realest oldest part of who I am reduced to folly infuriates me.

Forgive me for sinking deep in my feelings. Blame this Alessia Cara song. Blame the hot headed honesty I’ve inherited. Or not. It is what it is. I rather be that girl: angry, crazy, hungry, bleeding, laughing, than be anyone else. Cuz if I’m her then, when I’m gone, you’ll know that I’m done. That I gave it all, and did my best. My mom always said she didn’t care if I got A’s in school as long as I did my best. So if I am a F student because my job isn’t at a desk and doesn’t require  a ph’d,  I will still feel honor roll accomplishment. Because with this passion, I do my best.

February 24, 2017April 23, 2017 by fashionweekordietrying Tags: Deep Thoughts, Dreams Leave a comment