Originally posted 8/16/16
I was legit day dreaming at work and thought I needed to just write all of it down. 1) So I don’t mess up my paper and lose this job being an adult Ramona Quimby, unable to focus.
2) Because I’m serious about paying attention to my emotions. I feel like ignoring what is inside me will damage me: physically, spiritually, emotionally, creatively, etc.
I am a sunflower. I was in the office with all these heavy feelings, looking out the window. Now I’m typing this on my phone feeling much lighter, beautiful and more inspired. This weather is a blessing.
I wish we still lived in a world where I could pay my rent working at a coffee shop. I think I need a grung-ier lifestyle. Working and grinding on your art drains you so much. You have all these balls in the air that you can’t drop. The rent is too damn high! I wish I could just take a month’s rent and buy a mannequin. Or take a day off and sketch. Just place some of these balls down and attend to them one at a time
I try to organize everything. I make lists and I maintain a calendar so that the ” balls” stay in the air. When people see that I’m busy and feel some type of way or refuse to acknowledge the organization as an effort to bring order to my life, it grinds my gears. Its like “You see me out here struggling and you go and swing your arms at the balls I’m trying to juggle?!”
If I had a theme song I think it might be “I’m Different” by 2Chains. Not really, just the chorus. Sometimes I feel like a straight alien. These other priorities people have I do not understand! At all! I overhear conversations and I just don’t even interact because it is obvious that I’m not in agreement with any of it. I’m not really about “escaping.” I would hope that my real life isn’t shit that needs to be escaped from. That’s the goal. I don’t get involved with things that aren’t in alignment with my goals and desires, but that seems to be the trend. I don’t like company for company’s sake. I don’t like fakeness. I don’t like shallowness. Be real. Be about your shit. Be a thinker and a doer and I can be your friend. Otherwise, nah.